Am I More of a Woman Before or After Kids?

foramom2

Since being either pregnant or breastfeeding for the last three and a half years, I haven’t really spent a lot of money on clothes. Or bought many clothes at all for that matter. Why bother when I’m a new size every month? I didn’t bother with maternity clothes since I am far to cheap frugal to buyΒ pricey maternity clothing for just a few months of my life. So, the majority of my ‘regular’ clothes have been stretched by a pregnant belly and washed too often because of baby puke.

So my mission today was to buy some new clothes for myself. I recently purged quite a bit of old clothing out of my closet too. I am going through a phase where anything lying around the house just needs to be thrown out. Including clothes I hadn’t put on my body for more than a year or, in general, anything that is just too old to look presentable in public.

Off to the clothing store I went. I get in there and notice that the music is blaring some extremely odd club music. I kind of want to laugh at it and half-heartedly search around for another mom to crack a joke about it. I didn’t find another mom in the store, and all the sales associates looked like they were still in high school. I somehow didn’t think they would understand.

I grabbed several items and hung them on my stroller. I had to bring my littlest one because she’s still breastfeeding. She’s pretty quietΒ anyways being only 4 months old. Sleeps, eats, poops.

My main thoughts as I browse through the store are whether the item is breastfeeding friendly, how easily the fabric will showΒ puke, and if it will hide my not-so-flat tummy. Why is everything so short these days?

Anyways, I head to the change room and timidly try on the clothing. I feel a little awkward because I haven’t done this in so long. The sales associate has asked me how everything is fitting about 3 times before I’ve even tried on a shirt. When did shopping become weird?

I try on a dress with a V-neck. Perfect, I can pull down the neckline for breastfeeding. It’s the only summer dress in the whole store with that ability. I feel a bit frumpy in it so I leave the change room to check it out in a bigger mirror.

The sales associate watches as I tenderly rub my belly and explain that this is the first time I am buying clothes in a couple years after being pregnant a few times. Nodding to the stroller sitting in the change room. I feel a little big in these clothes – is this supposed to be a high waisted skirt or a low waisted? I am so not with it.

Then she says, “well you look good, for a mom.” For a mom? Did she just say ‘for a mom’? My brain starts racing. I know I’m a mom. But when did I become…momish? And why do I get the feeling like momish is a bad thing?

For a mom? I’m only 27 years old. But suddenly I felt a lot older.

I’m proud of this body. I grew two beautiful babies. I literally grew their bones and their faces and their little chubby legs.

I leave the store feeling a bit perplexed about the comment. I bet she didn’t even notice she had offended me. I don’t even know if I was really offended. I’ve just never heard that comment spoken to me before. I don’t think she meant it in a mean way. It’s one of those comments that kind of just slips out.

But it makes me think. When did I change from ‘looking good’ to ‘looking good for being a mom’? Am I less of a woman now or more of one? Am I in the less desirable category that should be headed for the mom-jeans store?

I guess I’m a bit momish. Is it my belly pooch or the fact that I smell like stale puke? Or does my haircut make me look momish?

Whatever it is, I’d rather be a good lookin’ mom than look good for being a mom. It’s all about semantics. Am I right?

My Random MusingsModern Dad Pages

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47 thoughts on “Am I More of a Woman Before or After Kids?

  1. Wow! This resonated so much with me! Isn’t it funny that some people don’t realize what they are saying? YOU LOOK GOOD FOR A MOM! Do they hear themselves?? I can definitely recall having the same thoughts as you, Mama. It has to be nursing-friendly or I’m not buying it! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am so happy that I am not alone in the struggle to find clothes that make you feel good after you have had your baby/babies. It’s so hard living in this world where celebrity Moms bounce back in half a day and you can barely shower without hearing your baby cry for you. Keep on writing, Mama! You’re helping Moms like me! πŸ™‚

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    • Thank you so much! That means a lot. This is exactly the reason I started a blog….because I love hearing stories from other moms and knowing that I’m not alone on all those crazy days of motherhood! I totally didn’t expect that comment from the sales associate and wanted to write about it so I could see if other moms were on the same page! Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

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  2. I say who cares, as long as you’re happy and healthy be proud of the skin you’re in! It has taken me too long to have this mindset, I have always struggled with my thin physic always coveting curvier women’s bodies thinking I wish I looked like that, well guess what I don’t but I’m learning to love how I am.
    You wear whatever you want and love yourself. Mum or not we’re all beautiful xx

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    • Thanks you….you are absolutely right. I’m actually 120lbs, 5’6″….so I’m not a heavy person and I struggle to keep weight on when bfeedibg, but I do have a belly now. It wasn’t so much, for me, about my weight but more about the category I was being put in in a seemingly negative way. When I’ve always just viewed myself as just being me. Love how strong you are! Thanks for reading and commenting your thoughts

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      • Yeah it did come across very negative, I’m sure she had no idea what she was saying. That’s one of my favourite things about mum friends they can totally relate. I’m still a work in progress, one of my favourite quotes is Dr suess ‘today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you’. Xx

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  3. I can totally relate to this post. I’m a bit, ok, LOT older than you at 34 but some days I just feel really ‘mumsy’. I’ve written a few posts recently about trying to ‘find myself again’ as clichΓ©d as that sounds. I too have been pregnant or bf for the past three years and now it’s time to strt investing a little time in me again. I love being a mum bit I hate being looked at as ‘mumsy’.
    #Mummymondays

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  4. Ugh. People are so insensitive. I totally relate to the shopping experience. I know by the end of everyday I will be wearing snot, food, dirt, or some other sticky mess my child has gotten into and I buy clothes to match.

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  5. Oh I get it completely. Brilliant post, brilliantly written. All I kept thinking was ‘yep, been there’ and ‘one day she’ll understand’ (the shop assistant that is). I’ll admit, I never passed a thought on mums before i was a mum, other than I dont want to be ‘mumsy’, whatever that might be #wineandboobs

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    • Thanks so much! You’re right….one day she’ll understand. I never really thought about what mom life would be like before being a mom either. Not sure I would have said ‘you look good for being a mom’, but you never know! πŸ˜‰

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  6. I think its probably more the endless bags under my eyes that even the most expensive “miracle” concealer can’t cover, that gives it away for me!

    I think becoming a mum/mom changes you so much that it also really alters your taste in clothing. There are so many things I wore before I was pregnant that I would deem just too short or revealing now.

    Although when you have to heave a pram in and out of a car all day, and bend down to pick up two toddlers at the same time, hot pants don’t have quite the same impact…. not many people look good from that angle!

    It’s taken me forever to begin to find a new style that I like, and even that is taking time to settle in. I hate shopping now, it’s so frustrating, even if you are the same size you were before.

    Thanks for linking up with #wineandboobs
    @twentyfirstmama

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    • I hear ya! When I walk into the store I usually can’t find one dress that feels even remotely long enough or appropriate for my momish-ness.I’m pretty tall so even the “longer” ones still look short on me. Thanks for hosting the #wineandboobs!

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  7. Oh I know the feeling. I’ve started feeling really old and out of place when I go into clothes shops. I recently got stopped at the passport control at the airport because the guy didn’t think I looked like my old picture. Surely being a mom hasn’t changed my face that much?!? I’m sure you’re a great looking mom! πŸ˜‰ x#wineandboobs

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  8. I have often pondered this question and don’t really know the answer except to say that ince we have children our priorities and perspectives do change and we have to mature in order to be a protective parent who guards the bones, skin, faces and gorgeous little humans we have made. We do cut out hair and wear comfortable clothes and flat shoes because we put others first and I don’t think that’s a bad thing – I think it is a strength! I think you are strong and awesome – for a mum! Lol Mel xx

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  9. Great post! I went to a spa with some of my sister in laws friends that were mid 20s (im recently 30) and they were like “woah you have a good bod..to say youve had 3 kids”?!?!?! I wasn’t sure either whether to thank them or what haha and yes I feel so awkward shopping these days because of the old baby pooch area of my bod and because ive no idea whats cool or how I dress to my age (hello wannabe teen or total frumpster)! I certainly hope I don’t look “mumsy” just yet though haha !!! #bestandworst

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  10. I hate it when people say, “You look good… For someone who’s had a baby!” Stop at you look good! There’s no need for the bit on the end! That implies they’re shocked that you look alright or you look a mess but you’re excused for having a baby! Stupid people!

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  11. I swing between liking clothes shopping and hating it depending on my mood at the time! It can be so difficult after having kids, I like to think I’m still the same that I was before I had my children though! Thanks for linking up to the #bestandworst πŸ™‚

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  12. I get very frustrated by how as women we are valued and in may ways limited by how we look. I try very hard not to buy into it but a lifetime of programming means it is not easy. You as a person and as a mother bring so much to the world full stop. I would like to turn a switch and change that part of our society, I really would. My little rant done there. #binkylinky

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  13. I definitely feel ‘mumsy’ a lot of the time but actually my clothing / style / hair / general look hasn’t changed very much after having a baby (ok, there’s quite a subtantial mum-tum, but that aside!). I think it’s all in the mind. It doesn’t help when careless comments are made by people like the shop assistant in your story. From all of the comments above it seems a lot of us struggle when shopping, so lets all remember this post next time we’re browsing the rails and know we are not alone!

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  14. Brilliant post! I have not been clothes shopping for a very long time myself so this would put me in a very awkward position. I would bluntly replied in a rhetorical question: “Do you have any kids yourself?” Then blatantly walk out of the door. Ding! Ding! They have lost a great customer! πŸ˜‰ x

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Brilliant post! I have not been clothes shopping for a very long time myself so this would put me in a very awkward position. I would bluntly replied in a rhetorical question: β€œDo you have any kids yourself?” Then blatantly walk out of the door. Ding! Ding! They have lost a great customer! πŸ˜‰ x #brilliantblogposts

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  16. It’s a bit like that old chestnut, “you look good for (insert age here).” I mean, I’m 35 now and people have been saying that to me since I was about 27. So we’re all supposed to look old and haggard past a certain age?

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Pingback: Where’s the #famjamlinky This Week? | Mummaknows

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